Petrol Pump Plodders

I have observed that the number of cars queuing for a vacant petrol pump is directly proportionate to how long it takes the motorist at the pump to:

• fill their car – taking care (and much time) to ensure they round to the next pound

• take a leisurely stroll to pay for their petrol

• do their weekly food shop in the affiliated supermarket

• forget which pump they have used and have to come back out to see

• back at the till, discover they have left their purse/wallet in the car and take a further leisurely stroll back to the car to collect (and sometimes search for) it

• after eventually paying, repeat aforementioned leisurely stroll back to their car

• get in the car and immediately out again to empty the car’s ashtray into the bin

• put their purse/wallet away – but not before checking all last month’s receipts as they do so and putting them in date order

• check their hair, lipstick and/or nose hair in the rear view mirror

• engage their seat belt, carefully and methodically

• diligently pull away, stalling at least twice in the process.

Me? I fill up, bolt to the kiosk, pay (exact money obvs!), sprint back, bonnet roll into the car and drive off as though I’m in a Starsky & Hutch car chase.